Language Lawyer Gifts

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

'They used to make you stand in the corner for saying bad words - Now they suspend you for hate speech!'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Psychiatry. I have an irrational fear of words like "and," "or," "but" and "if"! And, conjunctivitis!

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

Foundation for the Syntactically Challenged

'Yes, sure, certainly, you bet, of course, yeah, right, yep....'

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

"I can never remember, does 'barge' have one snake-head jackal, or two?"

Brother Ernest, I said "vow of silence," not "sow of violence"!

'I'll accept two potions of white crystalline sucrose in final settlement.'

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'

On second thought, your honor

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

'K7K industries (an alleged monopoly case under appeal)

Evidence board

Grim Reaper enters classroom where he teaches dead languages.

'It looks like the attorney is going to present his brief.'

"Sure I can help him: I specialize in pirate-talk..."

Is (petroglyph symbol) one word or two?

'I'm afraid he has sweeny flu.'

I rhyme today for I feel great cheer. Listen up, people. I am truly moved. The greatest three words a man can hear. You are pre-approved! Hail the bard of the home-loan sonnet.

The War Lord at the Front. A morning Tub on the Imperial Campaigning Car.

"Grammatically, the stickman should be behind the deer."

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

UK Censors Office...

Assange detention