Legal Wonder Gifts

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"No offence Jon, but..."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and fast.'

'Can't you ever forget you're a lawyer? When I said 'Sue my wife' I was making an introduction!'

Law Offices: Slip & Trip & Fall formerly Slip & Fall.

"No, I don't think your decisions are too Draconian. Do you think my decisions are too Draconian?"

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

Computer questionning a witness.

'If you've got a problem with the way I run things around here, take it up with my nanny.'

'Ejection, your Honor!!'

'Landmark book deal.'

'I can't understand why I don't lose weight.. I walk five miles a day.'

SCOTUS

'This is all very clever, Mr. Quigley, but there was a court ruling years ago that marriages can't be classified as non-profit organizations.'

'Before I give you your bill, Mr Fraser, can I ask you to step onto the crash-mat.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan,...the large, life-threatening hump we removed from your back turned out to be your attorney..."

'Son, your grandfather was the first lawyer on this case and some day it will be your case.'

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

'I told you we should have testified SOMETHING but the truth!'

'My lawyer says he's pretty sure this is police entrapment.'

"Goodbye Sweetheart. No matter where you go in this life, or what you do, always remember that you signed an N.D.A. with us."

'So many loopholes, so little time.'

'How soon do you have to know?'

"...All I got was a new box of lego blocks!"

"If it weren't for threatening letters I would hardly write at all."

'First of all, get yourself a good lawyer. I highly recommend anyone but mine.'

"Burger King bought a Canadian donut chain and relocated its headquarters to Canada to skip U.S. taxes."

Do you think it's too late for me to go to law school and position myself for an appointment to the Supreme Court? Yes, unfortunately. You'd have to go back in time and start preparing early. By that I mean WAY back. As in you'd have to ensure that the cells that formed you had genes that would give you intellectual curiosity, above-average intelligence, and ambition. But you do still have time to become a layabout. You seem to have prepared very well for that. What? You'd still get to wear a ro

"Instead of auditing you, I'd like to buy your tax secrets."

'We're going to need a bigger rug or we're sunk.'

'I was fired last year, but I still get a check after I hacked into their payroll program.'

"Our fees are �10, 000 per loophole."