Legal Saga Storyteller T-Shirts

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"She left everything to you. But, the hamster is contesting the will."

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

White House P.R. - Out To Smear the FBI & Mueller.

'My client may have huffed and he may have puffed, but ladies and gentlemen, he just happens to have a very bad smoker's cough. He did not blow anyone's house down!'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Objection, your honor! Prosecution is playing the blame game!"

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

"I'M your one call from County Lockup? Ohhhh Lenny."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

When I was a kid watching "Perry Mason" on tv, I always knew that when I grew up I'd spend a lot of time in courtroom. The only part I had wrong was that I always assumed I would be the defendant. ! !

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

'I like the way you have Jack and Jill go up the hill with a lawyer.'

"Loved ones scared to death by monsters? Call the law offices of Frank N. Stein..."

A judge, the lawyers for the prosecution and defense, the accused and the jury stand in front of a packed courtroom and bow while holding hands like they are finishing a performance.