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"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'Tell the court please, why did you steal the painting?'

"Well, shoot, if I didn't get this last - minute stay of execution for you, who did I get it for?"

When I was a kid watching "Perry Mason" on tv, I always knew that when I grew up I'd spend a lot of time in courtroom. The only part I had wrong was that I always assumed I would be the defendant. ! !

'It's a complicated case. I've advised my client not to say anything else until I speak to my lawyer.'

White House P.R. - Out To Smear the FBI & Mueller.

Surprised witness

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

'No offence to the court, but my client would like to be tried by a military tribunal.'

"Loved ones scared to death by monsters? Call the law offices of Frank N. Stein..."

"Objection, your honor! Prosecution is playing the blame game!"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Not guilty?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

Mobsters at the Beach

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'