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"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'Tell the court please, why did you steal the painting?'

"Well, shoot, if I didn't get this last - minute stay of execution for you, who did I get it for?"

'It's a complicated case. I've advised my client not to say anything else until I speak to my lawyer.'

White House P.R. - Out To Smear the FBI & Mueller.

Surprised witness

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

'No offence to the court, but my client would like to be tried by a military tribunal.'

"Loved ones scared to death by monsters? Call the law offices of Frank N. Stein..."

"Objection, your honor! Prosecution is playing the blame game!"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Not guilty?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Mobsters at the Beach

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."