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"Sorry, but that's not how it goes on TV."

Trial by Media

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Sue the Author 3PM

Barristers

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

Sue The Bastards

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

Mobsters at the Beach

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."