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Objection!- The Movie

Trial by Media

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Barristers

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Violent Crime Statistics

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

Lady Justice.

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'