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'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'Yes, I technically did give illegal orders, but I naturally expected that the integrity of my subordinates would prevent their being carried out.'

The town wasn't big enough for two patent law specialists.

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

"This should be an interesting case...it's a class action paternity suit!"

Lawyer watching "The Feud Network"

"Your first perp walk, Your Honor?"

"Unfortunately, I stole the identity of a person with an outstanding warrant."

Oscar Pistorius

'I like the way you have Jack and Jill go up the hill with a lawyer.'

"Don't tell me!...You're on the Jack Straw witness protection programme too."

Airlines: arrivals, departures and passenger lawsuits.

'My client may have huffed and he may have puffed, but ladies and gentlemen, he just happens to have a very bad smoker's cough. He did not blow anyone's house down!'

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

"My messy divorce actually led to romance. The lawyers fell in love."

'You've been charged with petty theft. How do you plead?'

"This is what you get in night court, sonny."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

A judge, the lawyers for the prosecution and defense, the accused and the jury stand in front of a packed courtroom and bow while holding hands like they are finishing a performance.

"Since this is only your first offense, and you've been found not guilty, I'll be lenient in my sentencing."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."