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'But, what if we look back on this as the Golden Age of Litigation?'

R. H. Gross - Criminal Law

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"You don't have to answer that."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."