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"Before counsel make their final summations, we're going to take some calls from across the country."

'What luck! A court reporter.'

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"First you plead 'Not Guilty' and now you ask the court to believe the real culprit in your husband's death, was in fact, 'curiosity!'"

"Could we just run that again with a more dramatic pause before sentencing?"

A snake finds a rabbit guilty.

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

'The worst has happened. You've been acquitted, and all our book and movie deals depend on your conviction!'

'Witness for the Prosecution means you'll elaborate on the whackings.'

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

"As your lawyer, I advice you to start crying."

"You were not put there to defend the Constitution, you were put there to kiss my butt! You're fired!"

"It doesn't bother me so much since he signed that NDA."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Another slander suit!"

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"You don't have to answer that."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."