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Long custody battle.

"You don't have to answer that."

'all of you, except a party named 'Fido', may now leave.'

'Since I already know she did it, can I go sit in the lobby and watch TV?'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

"I can watch more 'Law & Order' than any man in this bar."

"Truth is not truth."

Miss Flite Introduces The Wards in Chancery to Mr. Krook

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't pleas insanity.'

'Forget it - I knew a guy who went there once and he got slapped with 387 paternity suits.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Another slander suit!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'