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'Your community service sentence starts now. Get a bucket and sponge and wash the car in my assigned parking space.'

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"She left everything to you. But, the hamster is contesting the will."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

White House P.R. - Out To Smear the FBI & Mueller.

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"Objection, your honor! Prosecution is playing the blame game!"

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

"Loved ones scared to death by monsters? Call the law offices of Frank N. Stein..."

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

Law Offices: Slip & Trip & Fall formerly Slip & Fall.

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

Panic attack outside the courthouse

"OK, state of New Mexico vs. Alex Baldwin, take two... aaaand ACTION!"

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

'Of course I speak with forked tongue. I'm a lawyer!'

'You're on trial for grand theft larceny -- you can't choose to remain anonymous!'

"Charges on misogyny, xenophobia and sexual assault. Guilty or innocent?"

"I was innocent but the jury thought I looked really guilty."

Mortmain

Surprised witness

'I cut a deal. Seven years. Even less if I ever remember to mail in this ‘Get two years off' rebate coupon.'

'It's time to arm the fetuses!'

"Well, shoot, if I didn't get this last - minute stay of execution for you, who did I get it for?"

"..political correctness should over ride established precedents."

CRIMINAL COURT, 'Don't you just HATE it when they show no emotion?'