Legal Restitution Gifts

'It's refreshing that you performed community service for some reason other than to get into a good college.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"Bailiff."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Time for tea and friendship.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

Planet of the Lawyers

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'