Restoration Gifts

Leaning Tower of Pisa

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Painting Mona Lisa.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"She's a rescue."

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

Junk Bought, Antiques Sold.

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Salvage Hunters

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"What old school? This is my life."

"I'd like a new tire for my 1976 Chevy Chevette."

"Do you buy cars here?"

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"We're going to have a post-flood economy to deal with."

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

Under New Mismanagement

'They did a great job in restoring all the 19th century details, but this confounded dress code...'

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

Museum. It's great we got this job moving statues here at the museum. CRASH! That was no time to make a joke about a "piece of art."

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

"You still working on your car?"

"I told you she'd had some work done."

"I'm sorry Joet...I shouldn't be mad. In fact, congratulations! You saved your money. You deserve the finest ride on the planet."