Art Restoration Gifts

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

Turin Shroud...

'They all want to play the star.'

Back to school.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Eye of pie...a**e of rat...p**s of newt."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Masquerade

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

'Bugger!'

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

Koko pleads with the Mikado

"Poor dear, she's just discovered all these years she's been the muse for a plagiarist."

Bertolt Brecht.

Music at Home Pt. 1

'Anti-Graffito' worker about to erase hieroglyphics.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Our focus here is on the arts. Is he pottery trained?"

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

Funding Cuts for the Arts

'Poor thing. He got left out in the acid rain.'

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

Michelangelo's David is cleaned every two months.