Legal Settlement Gifts

Divorce Court: High Five Area.

'She got the house, she got the car, she got the....'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

attorney at law

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'What'll it be?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

Keystone XL

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."