Estate Settlement Gifts

'He's gone. Call the auctioneer.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

Graph Your Relatives!

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

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'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Contest of wills.

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Just so you know, I'm taking all this with me into the afterlife."

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'This next song is for my ex-wife, because she owns it and collects all the royalties.'

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

Death as a Solicitor, to client: "I strongly recommend you write a Will."

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

"Someday this will all be yours, or so you think until you find out at my last will and testament that I left everything to my hot, young trophy wife and you curse my soul to eternal damnation."

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

"Let's remain open to closing as we are close to the opening."

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'