Estate Distribution Gifts

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

Graph Your Relatives!

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

For sale. Prime space under Jimmy's bed.

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

Distributor in love with a multitasking robot.

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

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'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

Contest of wills.

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

"Potential buyers of the company are coming through today. Tell everyone to look sharp and put a few bowls of potpourri here and there."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'