Property Division Gifts

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

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"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"Sold his air rights."

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

An exaggeration of estate agents

Home Sweet Second Home.

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I've just bought five acres of prime oceanfront. Want to help me build on it?"

Mouse real estate!

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

"When we said we'd build 'affordable' homes we had a particular buyer in mind."

'It started out as a little tree house for the kids and we kept adding on to it.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'It will cost more, but I suggest building from scratch instead of a gingerbread mix.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'