Legal Matters In Healthcare Gifts

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"They're class action figures."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Justice

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

Keystone XL

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"