Medico-legal Minds Gifts

'Do you have any family history of relatives who have sued doctors?'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"Can you hear me now?"

'It says take all your medication - if you can afford it.'

Cankersaurus

'Her husband? No, I'm her lawyer.'

"First, admit no harm."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only Google has those records."

'Don't worry, I haven't sued any patients. I got the J.D. as a deterrent to lawsuits!'

"So, do we change ends after a fifteen-minute recess?"

"I try to mix art cases with technical cases and have each side of my brain log billable hours."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'Sure your attorney can be in the operating room, during you surgery, but we'll have to give him anesthesia too.'

"We'd like you to be at breaking point seven days a week."

Attorney General John Ashcroft

'Sign this notarised statement that you will not sue the NHS if you contract lung cancer, and the government will let you buy fags at half price.'

Malpractice Specialist.

"Although it's nothing serious, let's keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't turn into a major lawsuit."

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

'So, if this procedure is 100% safe, why do I need to sign this waiver?!'

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'Mr. Simms, I think you have a very strong case for malpractice regarding your hip replacement.'

'At last Igor finds a body with the appropriate consent form.'

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

The Harvest

'Of course his appetite's improved...it's the medical marijuana.'

"But apart from pay, conditions, stress, increased bureaucracy, recruitment problems, patient expectations, and violence...'

"I'm afraid he's lost his mind...do you know if he kept back-up?"

"Yeah, I heard this guy is so obsessed with malpractice suits he wears legalese all the time."