Legal Laugh Seeker Pillows

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"If somebody stole my identity, would I still be legally married?"

'The Three Little Pigs are suing you for bullying them.'

'...And if all else fails, we'll try the old 'Beam me up, Scotty' defense.'

'Juries have never liked me.'

'Well, at least we beat the point spread.'

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'If she'll agree to stop undressing me with her eyes.'

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.

"He won't talk but I will!"

'He reps a lot of comedians in Hollywood.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"That'll be five bucks."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"Projectile hairballing."

"What did Jesus order?"

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

Drunk Barber

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"I give up. Where's the patient?'