Legal Laughter Seeker Pillows

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That'll be five bucks."

A baby in court

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."