Legal Laughter Seeker Gifts

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That'll be five bucks."

A baby in court

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Judge Duels