Legal Laughs Seeker Gifts

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"First, admit no harm."

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Judge Duels

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!