Law Office Laugh Seeker Gifts

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

Clive Anderson

'Just one question: is it billable?'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

"First, admit no harm."

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

'I've proved to the company I can make the tough rationalizations.'

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'Sorry I'm late!'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

Law Office High Jinks

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"I deal with the physical security while Junior is our cyber specialist..."

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'The buck stops here except for felonies.'