Law Office Laugh Seeker Gifts

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'Just one question: is it billable?'

Clive Anderson

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

"First, admit no harm."

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

'I've proved to the company I can make the tough rationalizations.'

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'Sorry I'm late!'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

Law Office High Jinks

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"I deal with the physical security while Junior is our cyber specialist..."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'The buck stops here except for felonies.'

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.