Lawyer Laugh Factory Gifts

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

Clive Anderson

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"First, admit no harm."

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

Marty Feldman

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

HEY!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

Fake Cartoon

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

Attorneys - Mom and Pop.

'You do all the pro bono work, and I'll do the anti bono, okay?'

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

'You need to work on your pleading.'

Creative Lawyers: Our Rates - Justice $300 per hour/Appearance of Justice $1000 per hour.

'The jury foreman says they need more time to find the quarter they were flipping!'

'And we've switched from rats to lawyers because there are some things even rats won't do.'

'Ooh look, the Palestinians want to bring a case against Israel!'