Litigation Laugh-lover Gifts

'You need to work on your pleading.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"First, admit no harm."

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.