Litigation Laugh-lover Gifts

'You need to work on your pleading.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"First, admit no harm."

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."

"He won't talk but I will!"

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.