Litigation Laughter Gifts

"First, admit no harm."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Clive Anderson

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

Lawyer Xing

Judge Duels

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

Barrister defending a criminal

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

'You need to work on your pleading.'

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.