Litigation Laughter Mugs

"First, admit no harm."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

A baby in court

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

Clive Anderson

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"When I said I wanted him for the firm 'dead or alive' the emphasis was on 'alive'."

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

Lawyer Xing

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

Judge Duels

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

Barrister defending a criminal

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

"We've decided to settle our of quart."