Legal Humor Seeker Pillows

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

The Supreme Court struggles to define obscenity

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"We make crime pay."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Loopholes

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Recess is over, Your Honor."