Legal Lampooner Pillows

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We make crime pay."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."