Legal Lampooner Gifts

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"We make crime pay."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Loopholes

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'He started it!'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."