Legal System Lampoonist Gifts

"O.K., O.K., I took over his company, I stole his wife and I ate him, now can I go?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We make crime pay."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Justice