Legal Jongleur Gifts

"When the defence asked for a jury of their clients peers. . ."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Stop and Birch

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"How many surprise witnesses do you have in that little car?"

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'I've invented copyright.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

Barrister uses legal speak to ask for two sugars in his tea.

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

'He's training for a career in law.'

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

"Got outta jury duty!"