Legal Jongleur Pillows

"When the defence asked for a jury of their clients peers. . ."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Stop and Birch

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"How many surprise witnesses do you have in that little car?"

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'I've invented copyright.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

Barrister uses legal speak to ask for two sugars in his tea.

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"Got outta jury duty!"

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

'He's training for a career in law.'

'He's just been named a super lawyer by the Bar Association.'