Law Juggler Pillows

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

Work/Life Balance

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

That party went well.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

Stop and Birch

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Overworked

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

The Communicator

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

Children.

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

"You need to put on some weight if you want to keep your job!"

"I've learned to compartmentalize my stress."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

Swiss army justice.

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'