Jurisprudence Juggler Pillows

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

That party went well.

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Stop and Birch

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

McWit Legal College

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

"No, you can't be a venture socialist, because they don't exist!"

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

'I don't understand why you don't want to take your daily medication.'

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

Let's merge and cut out the middle man.

"I'm a lawyer of 20 years standing...!"

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

"I've heard some bad things about judge Shaw's court."

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'