Lectern Lover Gifts

"Oh no Henry - Not Another one of your proclamations!"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Jean-Paul Sartre

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'

Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster have some fun with the tourists...

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Here be dragons.

Lady of the bath...

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Distractions Of The Great

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The intellectual.

Iris Murdoch

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

Senta jumps into the sea

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

"I don't care what you thought you saw,l there are no such things as people"

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

Thomas Hardy

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.