Lazy Legend Pillows

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'Hang on, we'd better leave this one alone: It's a protected species...'

Fetch the Boomerang

Sleep. The magazine for people who are asleep.

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

The Sedentary Dead.

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

"Doc, I think I'm suffering from insomnia...every ten minutes the boss bursts into my office and wakes me up!"

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

"I just got home. Let me roost a bit."

'OK, my dinner's in the oven. Where's the oven?'

"Believing life begins at 40, Dave decided to take it easy for the first 39."

"This, 'being a housewife' lark, isn't so hard."

"Is this a creative nap or a nap nap?"

'Its part of our new range of inactive wear.'

'What'd ya' think the Pope was gonna do in retirement?'

Remote Toaster

"Why do I have to go to school? Why can't I just log onto their website when I get up?"

"The very thought of exercise does that to him. I guess that's why it's called cross training."

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"Nice curvature."

'Marge! Do I have a will?'

'I don't like vegetables, so when I grow up, can I be a couch donut?'

Lazy Mountain Climber.

"We're gonna find a bees nest and steal all their honey!" "Maybe we'll just go to Tesco's..."

'Why don't you go out and get some fresh air? You've been stuck in the house all day.'