Layover Survivor Gifts

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

Emergency Pants

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'Throw them back They're not what nine out of ten eye doctor's recommend for dry eyes when stranded on a desert island.'

'He needs professional HELP!'

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Well, that's just great! I guess pigs don't fly after all!"

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, so we build a boat or a tiki bar?"

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

'What luck!'

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Airline concerns.

"We're thinking... this year just send us to whatever country our luggage is accidentally sent to!"

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

"Mr. Crusoe, you have some heft overdue fines."

"Back at work and ready to go-get-'em after a two-week vacation at O'Hare."

Welcome centre

Lost luggage turning up on Mars.

"I hope you like sandy beaches, fresh ocean air, and bumper to bumper traffic"

A diet high in cholesterol can be dangerous to your health.

'No wonder you can't relax! Seven hundred miles in one day!'

Stranded Techie Needs Batteries

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'