Lawnmower Conversationalist Gifts

"Here's me, sitting in my spanking new shed chatting to good old Len the lawnmower."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Could I ask just one question?"

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

Biker Lawn Mower

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Attention Span Man

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

"Of course working from home is different. . ."

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

Cow Pilot.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

'I'm tired of all the small talk.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

Man sleeps instead of reading 'The Art of Listening.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

"Don't worry they will find us. We're still in the park..."

"You're not even listening!"

"Hey, keep it down, we're trying to have a conversation."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

I've always wanted to be enigmatic but I talk too much.