Lawnmower Conversationalist Gifts

"Here's me, sitting in my spanking new shed chatting to good old Len the lawnmower."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Could I ask just one question?"

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

Biker Lawn Mower

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Attention Span Man

"Of course working from home is different. . ."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Cow Pilot.

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

'I'm tired of all the small talk.'

"Don't worry they will find us. We're still in the park..."

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

God builds the first lawn mower.

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"You're not even listening!"

"Hey, keep it down, we're trying to have a conversation."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

I've always wanted to be enigmatic but I talk too much.

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"