Lawn Ornament Lover Pillows

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

"And what Patio & Garden Outlet has joined together, let no yard sale put asunder."

'He's made of polly-ethelene.'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

Beginning Yarder.

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

Beware of the Lawn

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

"I've found the lawnmower!"

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

"I can't go on. All the weeding, mowing, digging, pesticides, and gopher holes really hurts you know. It's just not worth it anymore."

'You know it's too hot to use the sprinkler when the spray turns to steam.'

"It doesn't mean you, Hickford!"

Mower Repair

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Shoot, I forgot about that underground sprinkler.

'This is Ed down the street. Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again.'