Lawn Ornament Lover Gifts

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

"And what Patio & Garden Outlet has joined together, let no yard sale put asunder."

'He's made of polly-ethelene.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

Beginning Yarder.

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

Beware of the Lawn

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

"I've found the lawnmower!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

"It doesn't mean you, Hickford!"

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Mower Repair

'You know it's too hot to use the sprinkler when the spray turns to steam.'

"I can't go on. All the weeding, mowing, digging, pesticides, and gopher holes really hurts you know. It's just not worth it anymore."

'Honey, could you turn the water on?'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

Lawn Furniture/Yawn Furniture.