Lawn Ornament Enthusiast Gifts

"Care to come over to my front lawn?"

'Why on earth would people put plastic flamingoes on their lawns?'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

The Fall of Gnome

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Beware of the Lawn

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Shoot, I forgot about that underground sprinkler.

Mower Repair

'This is Ed down the street. Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again.'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

'The grass is plastic, too.'

Mohawk Yard.

"And what Patio & Garden Outlet has joined together, let no yard sale put asunder."

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

Mowing the Jungle

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

The Lawn Gegnome Project

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Yeah, well, then you should've said merchandise or maybe contents sale, right?"

"Do you have anything less - green?"