Lawn Ornament Enthusiast Pillows

"Care to come over to my front lawn?"

'Why on earth would people put plastic flamingoes on their lawns?'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

The Fall of Gnome

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Mower Repair

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'The grass is plastic, too.'

Mowing the Jungle

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"And what Patio & Garden Outlet has joined together, let no yard sale put asunder."

Mohawk Yard.

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

The Lawn Gegnome Project

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

That lawn maintenance gizmo is advertised to have 101 uses. Leave it to Fred to find 102.

"Do you have anything less - green?"

"Yeah, well, then you should've said merchandise or maybe contents sale, right?"