Lawn Ornament Enthusiasts Pillows

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Mower Repair

'Honey, could you turn the water on?'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

Lawn Furniture/Yawn Furniture.

'The grass is plastic, too.'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

Mowing the Jungle

Mohawk Yard.

"And what Patio & Garden Outlet has joined together, let no yard sale put asunder."

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

The Lawn Gegnome Project

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

That lawn maintenance gizmo is advertised to have 101 uses. Leave it to Fred to find 102.

"Do you have anything less - green?"