Lawn Decor Critics Gifts

That a garden gnome had Pebbles in a headlock did not horrify Ms. Otis nearly as much as her neighbor's very poor taste in lawn decor.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'...Couldn't you just get pictures for your desk?'

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

Bird sees coo coo bird emerge from birdhouse

'Honey, could you turn the water on?'

Lawn Furniture/Yawn Furniture.

"And what Patio & Garden Outlet has joined together, let no yard sale put asunder."

Mowing the Jungle

'The grass is plastic, too.'

"We've decided to express our concern for the environment by redecorating."

The Lawn Gegnome Project

"Let's explore why you detest my throw pillows."

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

'He's made of polly-ethelene.'

Redneck Lawn Art

"Wait for it …"

"Care to come over to my front lawn?"

Looking at Cubist picture of chair,"I'd have thought he could have afforded better than MFI furniture."

"I like looking at amateur porn, because I like seeing other people's apartments."

"I remember when walls weren't so bossy."

Tacky lawn ornament hunting. (It's a HUGE sport here in the United States!)

"His grass really is greener!"

'I guess there was a typo on the job order. It was supposed to read 'mow the lawn, not plow the lawn.''

'I told you nylon carpets were a mistake.'

'Oh great. The Jones replaced their bird bath with a hot tub.'

'You might think it's your roof, but it's really my yard.'

"The sign's superfluous. That door's locked and bolted."

Postman's Knock.

'Why on earth would people put plastic flamingoes on their lawns?'

"And my lawyer says we have a hell of a case against La-Z-Boy."

August: An all out effort will be needed to keep control now. You should not have booked your holiday this month.