Lawful Enforcer Gifts

'I hate frisking magicians!'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

Next camera crew 5 mins

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

'Click it or ticket.'

No Smoking.

'What a control freak!'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Do you know why I pulled you over? Do you? Do you? Yes, you do."

Kid in pedal police car pulling over a kid on a trike

'I'd watch this ref, he loves dishing out Punishment.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

Referee cop.

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'We're not interested in loyalty,but we do value obedience.'

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

'I think we're going to need a compliance officer for these.'

'We only have a few rules around here, but we really enforce them.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

"That's why we wear hard hats"

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Mom Umpires

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"I try to get a head start on them."

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

Yomp Trucking Inc...My way or the highway!

'This is a phone poll! Are you in favor of a ban to drive and use a cell phone at the same time?'

'Let's get a few things straight. No speed reading, no silly voices, no skipping pages...'

'I love doing surprise inspections.'

'Building Inspectors During Their Off Hours.'

'It's from the Federal Trade Commission -- we have to put in a non-smoking section.'

'I heard you mom is really strict.'

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."