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'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"#notguilty."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Stop and Birch

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Violent Crime Statistics

Intellectual Property

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Lady Justice.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Another slander suit!"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."