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'Son, I want to talk to you about the birds, the bees, and the attorney client privilege.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Stop and Birch

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

"My farewell gift!"

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Intellectual Property

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Another slander suit!"

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

'It's a treasure map.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'A more conservative version of the gun bill would also require a background check for all voters.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."