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'Son, I want to talk to you about the birds, the bees, and the attorney client privilege.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Stop and Birch

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

Intellectual Property

"My farewell gift!"

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's a treasure map.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."